breaking down the barriers

i remember my first acting classes and how terrified i was. i guess it's natural to have a lot of inhibitions, and i certainly vowed to myself that i wasn't going to let them go so easily. then i found myself pointing a fake gun at one of my kids screaming the word "fuck" at the top of my lungs for ten minutes and realized that i had given in and all my boundaries were broken. or were they?
yesterday our department did something called 24-hour theatre, which, i suppose, is rather self-explanatory. i didn't really want to do anything technical for it (because i knew there hardly would be any to begin with) but i really wanted to be involved and i didn't submit an application in time to write or direct, so i signed up for what would be the very first audition of my fledgling acting career. it's not that i ever wanted to pursue acting anyway, but it seemed like fun and it's another really good thing to add to my resumé. anyhow, i was cast as a sarcastic gay guy with messy hair and a homemade "fuck me" t-shirt. cool. i'm pretty gay for a straight guy, so i figured that'd be no problem. i guess it should have occurred to me that playing a gay guy meant i had to play a guy attracted to other guys. attracted enough even to kiss one. and when the stage directions told me to do so, there wasn't much i could do besides kiss the guy or leave.

so i kissed another guy. on a stage in front of hundreds of people. and strangely enough, most people have just been telling me how nice it was to see me on the stage instead of behind it. weird, huh?